the grey area;

What Hurts The Most,
by Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain
On the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then
And I just let ‘em out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though goin’ on
With you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m okay
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain
Of losin’ you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ it
It’s hard to force that smile
When I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still harder gettin’ up,
Gettin’ dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away
All the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin’ so much to say
And watchin’ you walk away
And never knowin’
What could’ve been
And not seein’ that lovin’ you
That’s what I was trying to do

Sunday, January 24, 2010

It’s like you pull down your defenses and all that pride ego shit just to get the message across and someone shoots you in the face and puts you to shame. If you just wanna win, say so. Then maybe I won’t let myself get so affected.

Sometimes I feel you should come clean with yourself, then I too can get some sort of release in return. It’s hard to know it exists and that you’re always denying it.

I know how much I’ve let you down this entire time. I’ve been wasting my life. I should be somewhere but I’m not even near it at all. I admit it and I’m deeply sorry. That is why I’ve been trying to pick myself up and telling myself it’s time I woke up and worked hard for myself. Somehow, Brisbane seems like where I’m gonna start my new life. And I want to do my best.

The sickening part of quarrelling with you right now is knowing that although we’ve so much unhappiness, family would still be the people I miss most when I’m actually there. I don’t like this feeling and that is also why I’m reflecting it to you, hoping we could change to have a more healthy and positive relationship before I go.

I want you to know I can be trusted. I’m willing to study hard and that your hard-earned money is not going to waste. Give me a chance to grow, Mummy. And I will show you that I’ve matured. I thank God that He placed you in my life to be my mother, because no one else could have brought me up better than you did. And are still doing.

Whatever it is, I love you Mummy.

bounced at
2:52 AM