Tuesday, September 11, 2007
it’s been a lousy week, with an unending ride of emotions. and almost 4 years since i last felt so awful about myself. even if you probe me now, i can’t quite figure out how and where to begin the past week’s encounters. there seems to be an indescribable struggle to voice these thoughts into words, and every time i try to do so, i end up in uncontainable tears. this has been going on for a few days, the aftermath is i’m all drained and eyes are sore from all that crying in my crib.
i’ll start with the basics, i walked out on 2 particular friends. i don’t know what got into me, but it’s altering the way i used to view friendships. i’ve thought my friendships through, it’s not an egoistic issue, but i still can’t identify what i did wrong. i was just being true to myself, behaving in my Jessica means.
my respective impressions for both friends :
(1) you’ve known me for a long time,
but you still don’t understand me.
(2) you seem to understand me,
but you don’t know me at all.
i’ve never taken your friendships for granted, it’s just that sometimes we don’t see things eye to eye. maybe next time y’all would want to think through it, before making such comments and wounding the feelings of others. or perhaps, there won’t ever be a next time.
my mum’s right, for once. i should concentrate on my own life and not meddle in the affairs of others. i’ll carry on with my fast-paced IPP work life, dumping both hands into data spreadsheets and events management. i’m beginning to gain a liking for such a systematic lifestyle, it effectively blocks out those unnecessary thoughts, for a while. i don’t know but it’s easier to be happy at work, maybe because no one really knows me and it’s effortless to put up a front.
you don’t know what it’s like,
welcome to my life
bounced at
3:05 PM
