Sunday, January 24, 2010
It’s like you pull down your defenses and all that pride ego shit just to get the message across and someone shoots you in the face and puts you to shame. If you just wanna win, say so. Then maybe I won’t let myself get so affected.
Sometimes I feel you should come clean with yourself, then I too can get some sort of release in return. It’s hard to know it exists and that you’re always denying it.
I know how much I’ve let you down this entire time. I’ve been wasting my life. I should be somewhere but I’m not even near it at all. I admit it and I’m deeply sorry. That is why I’ve been trying to pick myself up and telling myself it’s time I woke up and worked hard for myself. Somehow, Brisbane seems like where I’m gonna start my new life. And I want to do my best.
The sickening part of quarrelling with you right now is knowing that although we’ve so much unhappiness, family would still be the people I miss most when I’m actually there. I don’t like this feeling and that is also why I’m reflecting it to you, hoping we could change to have a more healthy and positive relationship before I go.
I want you to know I can be trusted. I’m willing to study hard and that your hard-earned money is not going to waste. Give me a chance to grow, Mummy. And I will show you that I’ve matured. I thank God that He placed you in my life to be my mother, because no one else could have brought me up better than you did. And are still doing.
Whatever it is, I love you Mummy.
bounced at
2:52 AM
Sunday, April 19, 2009
it’s a happy day! i realise how rare i even say this please? that’s because i’ve been dying to see Tightness’s little son Zachery and i finally did just that today. whee to go man, he’s such an adorable little dude and very duper hyper too! we couldn’t possibly keep up with him, he was always on the run and treating everywhere like it was his playground. i haven’t seen him since the small boy was a tiny baby? hey Kexin mummy, we should do this again some time man! but before the next, we’d better have more energy with us than today. ;)
the last wish is i won’t be disappointed when this journey comes to an end (if it ever does), knowing i’ve given it my all in letting you understand how much you mean to me. thanks for the subtle reminder T, i’ll constantly remember to do away with any expectations. :)
bounced at
3:03 AM
Friday, April 17, 2009
i’ve been falling in and out of sleep regularly, and i think it’s more than just insomnia now. especially within the past fortnight, i wake up everyday from these odd but interesting dreams. you know what’s the crazy thing? they’re all about my PL secondary school days. i get glimpses of myself sitting in a classroom with my fellow upper sec classmates, and we do the usual been-there-done-that stuff. like attending lessons, kidding around with one another and disrupting classes?
then i’ll open my eyes, feeling a little empty and begin asking myself why i dream of such every single night. it took me a while, but i might have figured it. i almost forgot to mention that you’re the only one who never fails to appear in all these dreams, although most of the time you’re ignoring me. isn’t it already happening in reality context? it’s the project at hand, it must be. plus the fact, i miss those PL days and i wanna head back there quite badly. so just tell me about it.
let’s move on to i wanna do a shoutout to Blessann Luah Xiao Wei! because she’ll highly likely see this, i’m hopeful. the first thing is i miss you so much, you’ve no idea at all? i appreciate how you still want updates from me, even though you didn’t get much from my previous entry. you know what, you should just take a trip back home and i’ll tell you everything! and hey, you too need to update me okay? enjoy your upcoming bagpacking holiday, take care of yourself, be good and i still miss you more lah. :)
bounced at
9:17 PM
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
i reckon me and updating my blog has become more like a seasonal affair. the reason this time around? because this sacred avenue was used as a weapon against me, and what makes it worst is i really dislike people saying untruthful things about me in the back. moreover if you’ve always regarded that someone as a friend? anyway i’m back here again, believing this chapter is closed and allowing it to fade away. thinking back, it still gives me a cringe! period.
too many overdue updates, i don’t even know where to begin. of course there are some things that haven’t changed, like the fact that i’m still jobless, considering study options and very unsure about my future. i super need an intervention of sorts, to start my engine going again. omg i’ve been bumming around for more than a year now, and no it’s not funny at all. i’d better work on it man!
on a happier note, i’ve forged a handful of new and closer friendships within my away time. you know who you girls are! i’ll treasure. :)
i survived your cold shoulder quite a while back, but something tells me i might be heading for the same thing soon. you know what, you do what you want and i’m still gonna do my thing. you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and doing these little nothings is just my way of telling you this. it doesn’t really matter what’s at the end of the road, i wanna walk the journey being true to myself.
i’m never gonna stop singing,
because you’re the sing-a-long song.
bounced at
7:11 PM
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
updates to go, so let’s jump right into it!
today’s bbq with the sunbeams at changi green kick starts my string of christmas gatherings and such. i must admit hanging around the younger ones really makes me feel oddly old, all those teenage things they strut, which are more of been-there-done-that to me. but we had a couple of good laughs over food and games, i’ll see these kiddos in church soon. :)
my year end lineup is gonna be a busy one, because there shouldn’t be a moment wasted as 2008 takes its closure. maybe it’s time to sit down, reflect on this past year and make new resolutions? whichever way, i need some form of intervention to fall upon me.
3-day christmas forecast: tomorrow’s a dinner party at ms koh’s humble abode, followed by christmas eve at downtown east in the day and censor meet-up before midnight & finally, family dinner at aunt’s place on christmas day :D
everywhere i go reminds me of you,
but you’re nowhere to be found.
bounced at
3:47 AM
Friday, December 19, 2008
i see something in you
something nobody sees
i see yellow and blue
yeah, the sunshine and the sea
when i think of love i think of you
yeah it's my favourite thing to do
you're my missing puzzle piece
yeah you are, perfect for me
you've got your own rules
i don't mind playing your way
baby, take me to school
and i'll pay attention
to every word you say
you walk into a room
all eyes are on you
everyone wants to know your name
baby, you make 'em swoon
yeah baby, you're so smooth
you take every breath i breathe away
i just wanna tell you baby
how much i am feelin' you
every time you go away,
you take a piece of me with you
every time i miss you much,
i wanna bake some brownies
bounced at
12:47 AM
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
i’m taken aback, and it’s rather indescribable in a blissful way. how did a continuation of my episode roll up in your dream? actually i wonder if you had a glance of that yellow post-it note, whether it’s reality or just in a vision. i don’t quite know but i’d love to believe it’s serendipity between us two. maybe someday, i’ll earn the beef. :)
moving off, it’s on to today’s doings.
i left my comfortable crib early this morning, unlike the usual afternoon me, for an interview with nike all the way at the expo area. it went well on the whole and i’m positive i performed alright. out of the ordinary, i was made to do a sports quiz testing for my knowledge on the international sports scene. i think i scored average, but the idea of taking a test at an interview is definitely one of its kind. anyway, i do hope to hear from them soon!
fancy playing basketball under the night sky with many stars? i did just that for brother bonding time, and we had too cool a midnight play. more of such random games to come i suppose, whee and our mad caps. :D
bounced at
5:31 AM